March 16th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

I keep laughing about this story so I thought I’d share it with the interwebs. 

A few weeks ago I flew to Columbus to see my Dad who was in the country from China where he lives most of the year.  We had a grand old time, hanging out with family and talking.  The only hinderance was the strict guidelines of the “Diet from Hell” (as I’ve been calling it lately).  It was a little harder to find things to eat when we were eating out all the time.

The last morning we were there, I awoke to a grocery bag full of “diet approved” breakfast food and Dad offered to make me eggs, one of his specialties.  I took him up on the offer with the stipulation that he had to use half the yolks because I couldn’t have that much fat.

He mumbled something under his breath and barrelled into the kitchen.  He was still sort of grumbling a few minutes later when I went in to offer my assitance and I noticed him leaning over a bowl with a cracked egg in his hand and a distressed look on his face.  He looked up and said “I can’t figure out how to do it!” 

“Do what?” I asked.

“Cut this damn yolk in half!”

I just sat down on the floor and laughed until my sides hurt.  My sweet Dad, trying so hard to follow my diet guidelines had thought I literally meant HALF yolks.  What I really meant was half of the yolks.  Four eggs, two yolks.

The light went off in his head as I laughed and pretty soon I had my delicious, half yolked breakfast.

I guess besides being hilarious it made me realize that my Dad loves me enough to attempt to cut a yolk in half, and that’s pretty awesome.

March 9th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

It’s been pretty busy up in the Murphy household (you heard me.  Up. In. The.).  Matt has been working up a storm, I’ve been working out a storm, a phrase which I realize makes absolutely NO sense but I’m using it anyway, and I’ve been keeping myself pretty busy with “social engagements.”  I had an (AWESOME) baby shower for a friend a few weeks ago, then a night out with the girls to bid farewell to a friend who was moving and then another friend who moved away last year is coming into town and we’re having an honest to goodness fancy tea party!  I cant’ wait.

I also have a new calling at church.  For those of you unfamiliar with the LDS religion, each of us is given a calling or “assignment” within the congregation.  Some are leadership positions, some are teaching positions and there’s a bunch of other stuff to do as well.  My new calling is Compassionate Service Leader, which means that I am in charge of making sure that anyone who needs a little extra help gets it.  This usally comes in the form of meals when there’s a sick parent or a new baby.  I’ve been helping out with this for the last couple of years but my partner in crime moved (mad at you Whitney!) and they put me in charge.  My first DAY on the “job” we had a new baby and a mother who had surgery.  Now, it’s not my job to provide all the meals, but I do need to coordinate them, so I had six meals ahead of me.  Luckily, the ladies I go to church with are amazing and it only took me a couple of days to get the whole thing figured out, but it’s a wee bit stressful to know that someone is relying on you for help.  Hopefully we can space out the injuries, surgeries and babies around here.  I hope the ladies are listening . . .

In other news, I’ve had a stalled week on the diet and am sort of stuck at 16.5 lbs down.  I’m not too discouraged, my body had to plateau SOMETIME.  However, the joy I expressed a few weeks ago at all the “amazing” food has faded and now I hate everything healthy and I just want to sit down with an entire (GIANT) pot of Kraft macaroni and cheese and drown myself in carbs and fat.  I’m not joking at all.  I added an extra three weeks to the original timeline and I might be regretting that decision, but I’m trying very hard to stick to it.  Last week I was in the bathroom washing my hands and I noticed that my favorite work pants looked HORRID on me because they gave me saggy dumpy butt.  I had mixed emotions because, hello, favorite pants — purchased for the amazing price of $2 — but hello, excitement that they were so baggy!   I am not allowing myself to clothes shop until I’ve been able to lose another ten pounds and maintain it for a little while.   This means there will be many saggy butt sightings in the next couple of months.  Thank goodness I kept a bunch of my “someday when I’m skinny again” clothes.  They’re FINALLY starting to come in handy.

On top of saggy but, people are finally starting to notice the weight loss.  I’m 5′8″ which is a blessing when I gain weight because 30lbs on me looks like a lot less than on, say a 5′2″ frame, but it’s a curse because when I lose ten pounds, nobody notices.  My saddle bags are slowly diminishing, the arms look skinnier and my face, thanks to the genes from my Mother, is startng to look a little gaunt.  Again, another blessing/curse.  I don’t ever get fat face, but when I lose weight, I start to resemble a concentration camp victim.  Fun times!

My husband has of course lost about as much weight as I have without any effort.  The a-hole.  If he keeps doing this, he’ll be skinny but dead, so I suggested last night that he start eating high fat so I can feel a little better about my sacrifice and he can keep his life.  It just seemed fair.

So there you have it.  My life in a nutshell.  Wheeee!

March 2nd, 2010 by Kateastrophe

Are you aware that if you deny your body carbs for long enough, at some point you might crack and sit down and eat two entire loaves of bread in one sitting?

I haven’t done it yet but if someone were to present me with two loaves of Wonderbread it would be ON.

16.5 lbs down and counting . . . sigh.

February 12th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

I try not to be a lot of things on this blog.  Complain(y), braggy, political and sappy are a few on the top of my list.  I probably don’t always succeed, but I sure try.

That being said, get thee prepared for some sappy.

Matt and I spent our first Valentine’s Day together six years ago.  I had flown from Utah to Phoenix for the weekend and we got take-out from PF Changs and spent a wonderful, romantic evening at his aunt and uncle’s empty house.  It was one of the most memorable nights of my life.  He had paid so much attention to the little details.  I knew that day he was going to be my husband.  I already sort of thought so, but that day I KNEW.

Since then we’ve only spent two Valentine’s Days together, and it’s completely my fault.  Once I was promoted at my last job, there was a conference that always took place on Valentine’s Day.  We’d always make up for it, of course, but there’s something strange about celebrating a holiday on a different day.

This year, despite not having a conference, I’m leaving him again.  My father, who I rarely see due to his living across the world in China, is in the States briefly and begged me to come visit over the long weekend.  Matt and I discussed it and decided I should go.  So today I’m leaving the 70 degree awesomeness and heading into Snomageddon or, as one of my hilarious friends called it, SnObama Bin Laden.  (The fear forced me to buy Uggs for crying out loud.  I should note that they’re the knit ones so they’re not QUITE as muppety as one would think, and BOY are they comfy but seriously?  I JUST BOUGHT UGGS.)

Anyway, I’m leaving my husband alone AGAIN on Valentine’s Day.  I feel horrible, especially because we should have been heading to California this weekend for a much needed break for him.  Since his promotion a few months ago, I’ve barely seen him and he’s been barely breathing.  I can’t really make it up to him, but I can publicly declare his awesomeness.

I am married to a man who has made me the center of his universe.  He works 14-15 hour days for ME.  He does it so I can have the things I want and so we can live comfortably.  He does it so we can go on amazing vacations and play hard when we’re not working.  He is the kindest human I’ve ever met.  He never yells or even raises his voice.  He’s shy at first glance but once he’s comfortable, he becomes the most personable, hilarious man alive.  I laugh every day with him.  Words cannot express my gratitude for the things he does for me and I hope and pray that he knows how much I love him.  He is my everything and I’m so grateful he chose me to be his wife and best friend.

If I don’t freeze to death in Columbus, I’m coming back and making all of this worth his while, even if it takes my whole life.

February 1st, 2010 by Kateastrophe

So I didn’t want to talk about it too much (or really at all) because I’m the first person to get annoyed when someone starts talking about their fad diet, so shhhhh don’t tell my conscience but I’m on a diet.  And it’s working.

I was like a lost, scared puppy at first because the calorie intake is really low and I’m SUCH a foodie.  I was going to miss so many things.  Then someone sent me a cookbook for this particular diet that was written by a real chef and the heavens opened and angels sang songs of praise.  I am not lying when I say I’ve really enjoyed my diet food.  Granted, there’s a distinct lack of snacks for this habitual snacker (recently solved with organic, sugar free apple chips!  Aren’t you jealous??), but the food actually tastes GOOD!  I spend a good part of my Sunday prepping and cooking for the week ahead, which is sort of annoying but I’ve discovered if I don’t do it, I’m likely to have contemplated eating my arm by the time I find food/prep and cook a meal.  See, the portions fill me up once I EAT them.  And I’m full for a good two and a half hours afterward but if I go past that amount of time without my next portion of food I turn into a pumpkin and die.  Or something like that.  Yay hypoglycemia!  The point is if I take the time to prepare them ahead, I’m all set and am much less likely to cheat.  So far I’ve had homemade marinara sauce, meatballs, amazing marinades for fish and chicken,  delicious soups, and even some desserts!  The cookbook is almost 200 pages so the possibilities are endless.  And everything is truly healthy and on the low, low end of the glycemic index.

My one problem so far stemmed from the weekend and being home all day, close to the fridge.  And the pantry.  And the Costco.  And the restaurants.  I will admit to ingesting about two bites of chocolate cake, some extra Melba Toast (ok quite a bit of extra Melba Toast) and one Crispy Honey Shrimp at PF Changs.  I’d heard horrible rumors of immediate weight gain if any deviation was taken from the strict instructions.  I think the two hours of exercise that morning saved me because I still lost three ounces over the weekend.  Which is not a lot, but it’s a loss and I’ll TAKE IT!   Work makes things a lot easier because I have my neat little bag of pre-prepared, perfectly portioned food and if I eat it all for breakfast, my boss would most likely find me gnawing on the formica countertop in the lunch room while begging for quarters for the vending machine.  This weekend (and the next one) will be more of a challenge because I’m going on trips, but after some investigation I’ve found lots of places that have food that I can eat.  Memo to you guys; DON’T ASK FOR THE NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION AT PF CHANGS.  Doing so caused nightmares of 65 grams of fat/1400 calories per serving proportions.

I’m not going to pretend I don’t miss potatoes.  And pasta.  And bread.  And sugar.  I’m just having to get creative and find interesting substitutes and I’ve learned so many fun things!  Zucchini pasta?  IS DELICIOUS.  My Mom has been telling me this for years, I just refused to listen.  Sorry Mom.  As usual, you were right, blah blah blah.  I’m also getting used to more heat and spice in my food.  The incentive to burn more calories was just too tempting so I’m adding cayenne pepper to everything.  Sometimes I regret the decision, but the body is slowly adjusting.  Stevia is freaking awesome.  Protein shakes don’t taste so bad.  Mock-lemonade blended with ice and mint is unbelievable.  Strawberries are the fruit of the gods.  Squash is my friend. Buy a decent blender because the cheap one will light on fire in your kitchen on the first morning  Stuff like that.

The point of all this blathering is that I’ve already lost ten pounds.  And it seems completely possible to lose another ten to fifteen pound by the end of this madness.  Not just possible but doable!  Without death and vomiting or a tragedy to send me into a food deprived depression!  I would lie and tell you I just want to be healthy but my real incentive is that Matt told me if I lose the goal amount of weight, he doesn’t care how many new outfits I buy and everyone knows and outfit isn’t complete without shoes.  Scha-wing!!

January 19th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

Well folks, I’m now “that girl” who has a guy for the color and a guy for the cut.  I adore them both and I’m keeping them.

Today was the much anticipated cut.  He took off about six or seven inches, which at first was frightening and a little emotional considering I haven’t had more than a trim since 2002 and I’ve sort of decided I like being “the girl with the long hair,” but I am SO happy with the results.  It’s a drastic change without being cut so short that I feel like it will take years if I decide to grow it out again.  It has awesome layers that I can choose to show or hide as I please and it’s truly a haircut I can style exactly the same way he did at home.  He showed me all kinds of little tricks (ex: he NEVER uses conditioner.  I’ve really only used it on the ends of my hair but now I might reconsider!) and made it very clear that I need to allow it to be “messy” because it’s “just sexier that way.”  (Said in a Lebanese/French accent.  SO great.)

I will admit I was a bit intimidated and frightened by the signed headshots of some of my heroes (Bernadette Peters, Barbra Streisand) hanging everywhere, and I’m not certain but I think he might be the guy who gave Jennifer Aniston “THE” haircut back in the day, but the guy is famous for a very good reason.  Plus he’s hilarious. When I walked in he said “it’s a good thing you’re pretty and you have amazing hair.  Sometimes these ugly people with two strands of hair come in asking me to make them look like Heather Locklear and I just smile and nod then secretly hate them with my eyes.”  Kate=wrapped around his little genius of a finger.

Without further blabbing, here’s the new hair — just note that it’s POURING rain here and there’s a leeeeetle bit of static.  OK a lot of static.

See?  STATIC.  Also, the Photobooth lighting on this computer is no bueno.  Hello, fluorescent blue face!

January 14th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

In a year that’s been very hard for many Americans, Matt and I have been extremely blessed and when a tragedy like the earthquake in Haiti strikes, it makes me feel even luckier . . . and makes me wonder what I can do to help.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the first place I look is to the church.  Due to our amazing welfare program, the LDS church is often the first on the scene after a horrible tragedy like this.  Haiti is no different.

Here is the LDS Church’s press release on what they are doing to help. Besides the help that is probably already set up in Haiti through church members and programs already in place, they are sending two planes with 80,000 lbs of food and mobilizing trucks from the Dominican Republic with hygiene kits, newborn essentials and probably tons more food.

The church uses regular donations from it’s members (not tithing donations) to fund projects like this, but they can always use a little more help.  If you’d like to donate to help you can go here .

I’ll also be donating to the Red Cross and other relief efforts, some of which can be found in this post by Chris Sacca.

January 13th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

Lately everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) in my office has been sick.  The flu and a nasty bronchitis that takes two rounds of antibiotics have both been circling.  My boss and I seem to be the only ones who were immune to the plague.

I felt pretty awesome about it.  I was like “yeah, I exercise and eat my veggies.  My immune system kicks your immune system’s BUTT!”

Well, my immune system can consider itself served because yesterday, after eight hours of feeling awesome and normal, at about 5:00, right as I was leaving to go home, I went from totally fine and healthy to “ohmagosh I think I’m going to die.” 

It hit me just that fast.  One minute I was chipper and happy and the next, I was ready to curl into a ball and cry.  My ears were popping, my throat was screaming in pain and the snot was a-comin’.  I went home, ate some dinner, took eight hundred vitamins, a decongestant and four advil, snuggled into the couch with a blanket and made it through exactly ten minutes of Scrubs.  Then I was out-ski.  I woke up for exactly ten minutes at midnight after dreaming of giant black sores on my throat (sssiiiicccck) to take more advil, a dose of NyQuil and get a cough drop.  I slept until 7:15 this morning.

I decided to come to work for one (well, sort of two) superficial reasons.  I’m getting my hair dyed today.  My blondish roots are starting to make me look pretty white trash.  Normally, I would just reschedule the appointment but not this week.  Because next Tuesday?  I have an appoinment for a haircut with a hair GENIUS.  My boss is married to a celebrity hair artist and he has agreed to cut my hair.  AND I AM SO EXCITED!  He was the stylist for Melrose Place back in the day, and he continues to work wonders on Heather Locklear and a bunch of other uberfamous peoples.  My haircut with him is absolutely contingent on the fact that I get my hair dyed prior to my appointment with him.  The only time before Tuesday I can get in to get the color done is today.  So I’m pretending, whilst unable to breath and swimming in Jell-o brain, that I’m not sick AT ALL.

So, to sum up, I’m so sick I think I’m dying but I’m at work because I’m superficial enough to be worried about getting my hair dyed.  Sickness: 0 Kate: 10.  If I’m dead tomorrow, I have my beauty to blame for it.

January 5th, 2010 by Kateastrophe

I really hate the days I wake up on the “wrong side of the bed.” 

{Begin Tangent}  Why do people say that?  Only once in my life have I literally woken up on the wrong side of the bed.  My head was where my feet should have been and I even had a pillow.  I woke up because I kicked my husband in the face.  For reals.  And it didn’t make me cranky, it made for an awesome start to my day because I kicked him in the face and laughed for like an hour. {End Tangent}

Today is one of those days. 

I stayed up late last night waiting for my husband and some of his friends - both of whom I’ve never met - to come home from the Fiesta Bowl, and I had to give up at midnight.  Then of course they came home shortly after that riiiiiight as I was drifitng off.  Matt came in and got in bed and proceeded to wiggle for what seemed like ten years.  At first I just heard his foot slooooowwwlllyy rubbing across the sheet.  Then he itched his leg.  Then his arm.  Then what seemed like his whole body.  He was trying to do it gently but it was causing wiggles in the bed.  Then he rolled over, which in Matt land is sort of like a walrus THROWING himself off a rock into the water.   The man doesn’t slowly roll, he flails around, bounching me off the bed as if we’d been playing trampoline games.  Then his phone vibrated on the bathroom counter and he absolutley HAD to get out of bed at 1 AM to see what it was.  Then he got back in bed (felt like jumped) and proceeded to do the whole wiggling thing again.  Finally I couldn’t take it and yelled “GOOD HELL MAN!”  He meekly apologized and said his skin was “crawly.”  In my half asleep grumpiness I explained that I didn’t care and he needed to HOLD STILL FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY.  This apparently meant “put your hand on my butt” because that’s how he responded.  I was annoyed until I realized that doing that apparently causes immediate paralysis in “crawly skinned” husbands.  (I’ll note that for later.) I was finally able to drift off to sleep.

Until about ten minutes later when I remembered a huge work project we have to get started on and complete in two weeks.  During my busiest time of the month.  And we have a regional meeting here the day before it’s due.  AND I have Jury Duty the day after.  So then I was wide awake going over the details in my head.  For about two hours.  GAH!

Needless to say I pushed snooze for an eternity this morning, causing me to be late to work as well as be smack dab in the middle of the worst part of rush hour.  Shoot me now. 

Now I’m here and I’m alllllll sorts of grumpy-pants.  I am so grumpy I have no desire to eat the delicious Sprinkles Red Velvet Cupcake sitting on my desk.  Yeah, it’s bad.  I have no idea how to get out of the grumpy funk.

How do YOU guys do it?  Any great ideas?  Help a grumpasaurus out!

January 3rd, 2010 by Kateastrophe

 . . . there is just too much to write and try to catch up on.  Christmas was amazing.  We were spoiled rotten.   My one regret might be the HD video camera I gave Matt.  I’m starting to understand why movie stars are anorexic.  The camera adds WAY more than ten pounds.  And it adds zits.  And weird hair.  And a double chin.  Ok, maybe that’s just me.

Our New Year was rung in with style at my Birthday/New Year’s Eve Party.  We had a homemade photo booth, Rock Band, Wii, a delicious, custom make cake and the best friends we could ever ask for.  And we’ve been lazy ever since.  So far 2010/my last year in my twenties has been fantastic.  I am blessed beyond words and I can’t wait for the amazing things this year has to bring.

Thanks for sticking with me through this crazy year.  I love you all and wish you a Happy New Year!